Shaking My 'Tude

Fair warning: This post is very frank. Deal with it.

So.

I started the liquid diet.

(Two meals replaced with a protein shake every day for two weeks.)

And at the same time I started the antibiotics.
(1000 mg of Amoxicillin & 500 mg of Biaxin taken with Prevacid twice a day.)

And at the same time I started my period. And to top it off, despite the fact that I've eaten yogurt EVERY day, I am starting to get a yeast infection. Oh great.

Can you say 'miserable', children? I knew you could.

Needless to say, I am not feeling my best nor am I behaving my best. I have an attitude from hell.

Days 1 & 2. I am determined to carry on. This is nothing in the scheme of things. I am not hungry in any way, in fact I have a problem trying to finish the shake. But as well all know, hunger often has nothing to do with why we eat. To top it off, I have a very bad attitude towards everyone and everything. Perhaps this is a combination of carb detox and my period. The shakes are not horribly tasting, but they are in no way delicious. And I guess they aren't really meant to be. Of course the antibiotics leave a strong metallic taste in my mouth and that probably does not help.

A few tricks I have learned:

Add half ice cubes half water. Put everthing in the blender, blend well and then pour into a shakeable container. Then place in the freezer for 30 minutes or so. When you take it out shake well.

You can leave it in a bit longer (in a cup otherwise it will freeze inside the bottle and you won't be able to eat it) and eat it like an ice milk.

Add a small spoonful of instant coffee and half a packet of splenda. (to the dutch chocolate flavor.)

Add bitter fruit to the vanilla or dutch chocolate, such as blackberries or raspberries.

For some reason drinking it through a straw makes it easier to go down.

Day 3. Attitude slightly better, although I feel shaky and weak today. I am having a problem with nausea. This is primarily due to the antibiotics I know, but it isn't making chugging down 10 ounces of brown vitamin sludge any easier. We went to the grocery store and that was a challenge. Throw me in front of a bus why don't ya? But once I think about the effect this food will now have on the outcome of my surgery, on the progress I've made thus far and the mental effect - in other words one taste of the forbidden - I am able to look away. This was a small triumph that I celebrated with, you guessed it, a protein shake.

Days 4 & 5. Muuuuuch better. Better attitude. Better feeling. Better day at work. Shakes still stink, but oh well. I am doing good. The only time I get hungry is before lunch. Then I eat a big salad with chicken and I feel so much better. I get full faster at lunch as well. I weighed myself on day 5 and I've lost 10 pounds. THAT makes me smile.

I guess I will take this part of the challenge one chug of protein shake at a time.

2 Weeks and Counting

In just two weeks I will have my surgery. These past few days, and I am sure the ones to come, have been like awaiting the birth of a long hoped for child. A new beginning. A new life. Expectation for the future.

I want to be clear that I in no way perceive or believe weight loss surgery to be the magical solution to all my weight issues. That would be a foolish belief. And momma didn't raise no fool. The one analogy that I've used with people is that this surgery is more like a bundle of dynamite. Not enough to take down the whole mountain, but enough to make the mountain a bit more manageable.

Nice to compare myself to a mountain right? Well I've heard worse about me. I've said worse about me! And that is way up there on the list of things I will not miss. The stares, the comments, the snickers...(snide laughing, not the candy bar I will miss those).

I've been on both sides of the women's department so to speak. Having lived for many years as a size 8 to 12, I know what gets said of those in the 18+ sizes. And no not everyone is childish and mean, but there are some very mean spirited people in the world. Folks who have no clue what it's like to walk in a size 22 outfit. People who think the 22's need to have a little self discipline, push away from the buffet table and stop having a side of beef with a gallon sized milkshake for lunch.

But no one could be as mean to me as I am was. It is was probably more of a protective measure than self loathing - you know, I make a fat comment/joke to let you know that I know you are thinking along those same lines. That way you don't have a chance to hurt me I've already done that.

I look forward to working on letting that go. I will be losing and gaining at the same time.

This week was spent taking various medical tests and that along with much busyness at work helped the week to pass quickly. There was bloodwork, and echo cardiograms and more blood work and so on.

Test results are all in. I have very mild sleep apnea, not enough to warrant a machine. Which I am glad about since I understand the cpap machines can run expensive. My heart is very healthy, all things considered. My blood did show me to have an infection, taken care of easily enough with antibiotics.

This week I will start the liquid diet in order to lose weight before my surgery date. Yes you read that right, I will need to lose weight before I have the surgery. Only 10 to 15 pounds. Why? Because just that little bit will reduce the risk of surgery on my morbidly obese body. It is also shown to help speed recovery and increase weight loss during the first year. My doctor recommends Isopure protein powder which comes in Dutch chocolate, mmm yummy. I am trying to psyche myself up here folks!

I am hoping it tastes half-way edible. I've heard it said "Nothing tastes as good as thin." That is a load of...and that person's momma couldn't cook. There is a lot of stuff that tastes better than thin. If that were true, we'd all be thin. Now, I am not aiming for thin. No way honey, I did that for too many years with tragic results.

I am aiming straight for healthy.

Testing, Testing 1...2...3

Last night I had to go in for a sleep study. Seems that I snore. So loud that metaphors such as "dynamiting a mountain" and "bringing down a forest" and my absolute favorite "Darth Vader" have been tossed about as a comparison.

So before I go under the knife my surgeon wants to make sure I don't have sleep apnea. At first I was afraid this would make me an unlikely candidate for the surgery, but then I understood this was a protective measure.

I arrived around 9 pm, already 30 minutes past my bedtime. I was quite ready for sleep at that point but I wouldn't have the opportunity for several hours.

We waited, my family and I, for quite a bit of time in the room that was to be my bedroom for the night. We waited and we waited.

The room was nice, rather like a set up at a furniture store, fake plants and all. The bed seemed to be sleep-worthy, but still not my bed. Located in an office building it was quite obvious that this was once someone's workplace. Only now there's a bed. And a video camera. And a loudspeaker. And a motherboard. And a fan. THANK GOD for the fan!

Questions ran through my mind. Questions like, what if I pass gas? (Seriously!) What if I talk in my sleep? (Am I an entertaining sleep conversationalist?) What if I have to go to the bathroom and I am connected to the motherboard? (Do not wet the bed.) I was worried most about the bathroom. Just the slightest possibility of having to hold it all night made me visit the facilities 3 or 4 times before they locked it up tight.

My family left and finally she came and began to attach all the wires. And I thought finally I will be able to get some rest! Right. So, if you've never had a sleep study you'll want to know that you are attached to a box with wires coming out of almost every possible spot on your body. A connection beside each eye. A connection on each leg. A connection on each side of your chest. A connection on your neck, your chin and your jaw. Behind each ear and right on the top of your forehead. And eight glued to your scalp all around your head. A pulse oximeter on your finger. And finally a sensor that sits on your top lip and fits inside each nasal. This is in order to sense the heat of the breath coming out of your nose.

Once she got me all wired up the fun began. Apparently the machine wasn't reading anything. Insert brain dead joke here. Despite her many attempts and pleadings the machine refused to work. Plan B, move to another room. Except we had the same problem in there. She switched this, reattached that, wiggled something else and turned herself about.

I think the turning herself about did it because Houston, we had liftoff. Whew, I sigh. Not yet says the motherboard who apparently had more tricks to pull out of its sleeve. Plan C we move back to the other room and try a few more dance moves. This impressed the motherboard and we finally began the test. It was midnight.

Problem #1. I was no longer sleepy. Problem #2. I was in pain. Problem #3. I had to pee. Dang. I tossed and turned and would just about drift off and sleep was snatched from me by the sleep mugger. I must have finally drifted off because when I thought I just couldn't hold it one more second she said she would be more than happy to come unplug me, let her stop the test. She came in and I asked what time it was, she said 6 am and I had given her some lovely snoring. Lovely.

We went home and I slept all day. That is really going to mess me up tonight. But I couldn't help it. It was my bed, my sheets, my home and best of all I could go pee whenever I wanted.

Aria Overture

This is me....

And this...

Oh and this...

Apparently I think black is slimming...

My name is Dana. I am a mother of 4, wife, friend, wannabe writer and 315 pound woman and I am about to have gastric bypass surgery.

Like most people who are morbidly obese, weight has always been an issue. Always. I cannot remember a day in my life that I've not worried about the numbers on the scale and on the tag of my clothes. For much of my life, despite the efforts of many, both the happiness I felt and the quality of life I enjoyed were relative to those insignificant digits.

So much so, that for 13 years I offered up my soul for servitude in the hopes to have the happiness I just knew waited on the other side of 5 pounds less. The demon from hell I offered it to - bulimia - held me down and stripped me of control and freedom and held me on a very short chain of idolatry, squeezing my spirit until it was bled of every drop of dignity.

Salvation from this has been my hardest fought battle.

The months after recovery were slow, however the weight came on quickly. It's not that I ate so much, it was that I ate and kept it down. I ate and didn't exercise for 4 hours. I ate and had no laxatives to follow. And my body was tired from years of subjugation. Very tired.

I've tried to lose weight in the years since my recovery. I would have some slight measure of success, only to end up right back where I started or even heavier.

Then my blood pressure began to creep up. I now take 2 blood pressure medicines to keep it under control.

Then the depression flared again. I now take medicine for that as well.

Then two years ago I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Not a condition that is weight related, however, it does tend to exacerbate the symptoms.

At the same time I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, my blood sugar must have felt left out because it began to have itself a fit and I was diagnosed as a diabetic.

And then I turned 40. Lovely.