This is me....
And this...
Oh and this...
Apparently I think black is slimming...Like most people who are morbidly obese, weight has always been an issue. Always. I cannot remember a day in my life that I've not worried about the numbers on the scale and on the tag of my clothes. For much of my life, despite the efforts of many, both the happiness I felt and the quality of life I enjoyed were relative to those insignificant digits.
So much so, that for 13 years I offered up my soul for servitude in the hopes to have the happiness I just knew waited on the other side of 5 pounds less. The demon from hell I offered it to - bulimia - held me down and stripped me of control and freedom and held me on a very short chain of idolatry, squeezing my spirit until it was bled of every drop of dignity.
Salvation from this has been my hardest fought battle.
The months after recovery were slow, however the weight came on quickly. It's not that I ate so much, it was that I ate and kept it down. I ate and didn't exercise for 4 hours. I ate and had no laxatives to follow. And my body was tired from years of subjugation. Very tired.
I've tried to lose weight in the years since my recovery. I would have some slight measure of success, only to end up right back where I started or even heavier.
Then my blood pressure began to creep up. I now take 2 blood pressure medicines to keep it under control.
Then the depression flared again. I now take medicine for that as well.
Then two years ago I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Not a condition that is weight related, however, it does tend to exacerbate the symptoms.
At the same time I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia, my blood sugar must have felt left out because it began to have itself a fit and I was diagnosed as a diabetic.
And then I turned 40. Lovely.
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